When I turned 19 I made the realization I was going
nowhere. I decided I needed direction; I needed to find a future worth
living. I decided to join the military; they would provide me with training, a
paycheck and a future. I joined on a delayed leave in November 1991. I
had 6 months to tie up any loose ends, have that one last fling then off I go.
I checked into the MEPS center at 5:30 on a brisk March morning.
Going through all the final fazes to fly to boot camp later that morning. Duck
walking across a cold linoleum floor, jumping up and down, doing squats…fun fun
fun stuff. Then the pee test, all the female recruits standing there in our
undergarments waiting to take our turn to pee in a cup, freezing our patookies
off. I went in took care of business and waited to be told to get dressed. Once all that was done I should be
good to go and on the plane, just another hour to go. I learned then at 20 years old, that no one should ever
say never about anything.
Just when I thought I had my future, MY LIFE figured
out, everything changed again. I was told I couldn’t leave for boot camp. That
my medical condition prevented it, I was pregnant. Pregnant!!!
There I was being "forced" into a new "sanity", a new reality.
Becoming a mom, wow me a mom. How could I be a mom to
anyone? I had no idea what a mom really was. Its not like I had the best
example, no offense to my mom as she did have a few extenuating circumstances
to deal with while raising me.
Nine months later, there was a beautiful baby. My water
broke early on November 11, 1992, and next thing I knew there he was. Austin
was born at 11:06 in the morning weighing in at 6 lbs 11 oz, he was perfect. Big
expressive blue eyes, blond/brown hair. Born with 11 fingers and 10 toes. Yes I
said eleven fingers, he had the cutest little extra thumb on his left hand. It
even had its own little finger nail. Of course the minute my sister pointed it
out to me I was freaked out beyond anyone’s imagination. But he was still
perfect, he was mine and mine alone. His father freaked and in a way
disappeared from us, but that was okay because we had each other.
As a baby and toddler, Austin had such a sweet spirit;
full of life and full of smiles. Very much his own person from day one. He looked like a wise little old man when
he was born. Expressive eyes, prominent little nose, chin and mine. He loved to
cuddle with lots of hugs and kisses every day. We used to play this game when
he was little; back and forth over and over and over again: I’d say “I love
you” he’d say “I love you too” then I’d say “Oh no no no I love you more” back
and forth until it would drive us both nuts.
I remember being so busy back then. Being a full time
single mom, working 32+ hours a week and going to college full time. There were
some days I felt like I never saw him. Bath time and cuddling each night was my
only real time with him. He loved his baths, he loved having as many toys as he
could get into the tub with him and would play forever. His favorite game was
to toss all the toys to the ground and yell “Dammit, mommy get it” Of course
its always funny when kids swear even though you’re horrified at the same time
because usually they’re learning it from you.
He was just so stinking cute and innocent. At bedtime we’d cuddle read
books or watch his favorite movies together. His favorite: musicals and Disney. Anything
he could sing and dance to. Although it
wasn’t all fun and cuddles I’d do it all over again just to hear his giggles.
Everywhere we went Austin would make “friends”
with strangers and then be upset when they’d leave. He loved being around
people in any and all situations. His favorite place was the grocery store as
long as he could “meet and greet” everyone we passed. He was my little
socialite.He was so intuitive from the beginning, always sensitive to how others were feeling, wanting to make others feel better. He loved everyone and they loved him...
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