This last 6 months seems as though they have been so much harder then the first 12 months since he left us. I think about him daily, wondering if he'd have chosen to move with us, wondering if we'd have thought to move at all. Would he have moved to Colorado on his own to figure out what he wanted to do with his life. Would he have a steady girlfriend who would love all his crazy antics as much as we all did or would she have been someone that calmed him and made him finally feel fully a part of something vs. always wondering who he was and where he belonged.
I wonder even more who/how my other kids would be. Without the depression and anger that seem to be what defines them now. Would they be kinder to each other, would they be kinder to themselves. Would they be more eager to want to be home with each other instead of finding ways not to be around one another.
Suicide has a way of changing everything and everyone it touches. The loss of Austin has not only taken him away from us but it has also caused us to lose a large chunk of ourselves. Who we thought we were, what we thought we needed, deserved, or chose our lives to be.
I can't be around others without being a total buzz kill to whatever the conversation may be, my constant "need" to talk about suicide scares people away. Somehow many people have this 'preconveived' thought that the more suicide is talked about they are more likely to have it happen to them or even more strangely they think that by talking about it, it glorifies the act and makes others more likely to die by suicide.
They're wrong. No one tries to understand the reasons behind it, they don't realise just how bad having a mental illness defines the persons who complete this act.
Depression and other mental illnesses are a disease, they are more likely never to have a cure for them just like they will probably never have a cure for type 1 diabetes and many forms of cancer. Like cancer, through the use of medication and therapy you can go into a sort of remission and may not need medication for life but it is always there. It never fully goes away.
I pray for my family daily as well as the other hundreds of thousands people that will be affected by suicide this year will find themselves again and learn to love themselves and others once again.
I wonder even more who/how my other kids would be. Without the depression and anger that seem to be what defines them now. Would they be kinder to each other, would they be kinder to themselves. Would they be more eager to want to be home with each other instead of finding ways not to be around one another.
Suicide has a way of changing everything and everyone it touches. The loss of Austin has not only taken him away from us but it has also caused us to lose a large chunk of ourselves. Who we thought we were, what we thought we needed, deserved, or chose our lives to be.
I can't be around others without being a total buzz kill to whatever the conversation may be, my constant "need" to talk about suicide scares people away. Somehow many people have this 'preconveived' thought that the more suicide is talked about they are more likely to have it happen to them or even more strangely they think that by talking about it, it glorifies the act and makes others more likely to die by suicide.
They're wrong. No one tries to understand the reasons behind it, they don't realise just how bad having a mental illness defines the persons who complete this act.
Depression and other mental illnesses are a disease, they are more likely never to have a cure for them just like they will probably never have a cure for type 1 diabetes and many forms of cancer. Like cancer, through the use of medication and therapy you can go into a sort of remission and may not need medication for life but it is always there. It never fully goes away.
I pray for my family daily as well as the other hundreds of thousands people that will be affected by suicide this year will find themselves again and learn to love themselves and others once again.
