11 Months of Tuesdays...

My beautiful son left this earth 11 months ago today, not a day goes by without feeling a multitude of feelings, extreme highs and lows, each and every day. Being the survivor of someone who has dies by suicide is, in a word, horrible. It's not something you ever want someone else to ever have to experience. And yet every 14.2 minutes another family is thrust into this "existence". I think that one of the hardest things to handle this "time around" for me, is watching the changes happening to my kids. Seeing them have to go through all the emotions I had to when my brother passed. I mean how fair is that. My heart breaks each and every day as I watch their ups and downs, their highs and lows. It hurts so much to be unable to take their pain away, to sooth them and tell them everything will be alright. I know in time it will get better for them, I'm living proof that life goes on and things to get easier over time. And I know for myself the pain of his loss will lesson one day for me as well, it will never go away, it will never be the same, but all of us will survive and once again learn to live and be able to lean on each other and heal as a family.

One more month of Tuesdays and we will hit the one year mark since he's been gone....

Just need to remember to breathe in and out, one baby step at a time. ~sigh~