Birthdays

Today would have been my son's 20th birthday. And I am sitting recalling memories of the day he was born. He was so precious... Born on 11/11/92, at 11:06 am, he weighed 6 lbs 11oz and was 20 in long, he was born with 11 fingers 6 on his left hand... Aaaahhh his left side, so many things that we're wrong or could have been wrong with his left side... The top of his left ear did not curl over and it "should" have...that silly extra thumb that he always told me I should have left verses having removed when he was 7 months old. And then of course there was the disintegrated jaw on his left side discovered just 6 months before he died in 2011. My heart is full of love and life as well as sorry and grief for not seeing or realizing all that was bothering him. down. Not realizing how dark the road was that he was traveling, oh how I wish I could have lit the road and help guide him better then I had been doing. I pray to God I find a better way to raise the rest of the children He has blessed with me. Because I really do feel as though I failed some days in raising Austin.

I'd give almost anything to be able to celebrate 10, 20, 30 more birthdays with my son, instead I am left with the memories of the 18 birthdays I was allowed to have. Wondering how I am able to even get out of bed, yet knowing I have a life to live and reasons to breath and to remember to celebrate the life I have with my amazing family.

I love and miss you kiddo!!! May you have an amazing day no matter where you are in the universe. May you be blessed in your travels and love everything you are doing...